I have been slandered by a joker who doesn’t know jack as he has accused me of being a terrorist. Well, really, I guess it was libel, but nonetheless, the accusation of using terror to force coercion is patently false given that I made no demands or reference to the blog in question. Therefore, I shall see you in court, and you shall rue the day you made such an unjustly unfavorable statement about me and my blog. To learn more about “Jumping Off the Bridge” v. “a moment of spontaneity that you won’t be able to detect” then you should
Gotcha! I’ve got nothing left to say on that. One interesting tidbit, though, is that we use the term joker at work quite often. This is used to refer to someone that clearly doesn’t know what they are talking about, and therefore, everything they say is so hilarious as you look down in contempt on this poor, idiotic peon. Well, at least, those are the connotations that go with that term as we laughingly refer to bankers as jokers. Not sure if this a common term around the banking industry 1 but we certainly use it quite often.
Moving on to real assho… jokers that promote total crap, but pitch it like you just won the lottery. I am, of course, referring to this joker’s two televised products: ShamWOW and Slap Chop. In the off chance these links break, I attempted to link to youtube’s commercials for these two products. Ever since I saw the ShaWOW commercial the first time, I hated this man. With a passion. ”But why?”, you ask. “It’s a shammy, it’s a towel, it’s a sponge! I mean, it works wet OR dry!” Well the reason can be seen clearly in the 4oth to the 47th seconds of the ShamWOW commercial, where the cola *magically* disappears from under the carpet, even prior to the product touching the carpet. It’s like it was scared away by the ShamWOW. But we know why this is, don’t we? Because the cola knows what happens when the Germans invade, and Vince even admits it is made in Germany. Made? Or perchance, born and raised? More investigation is required to get the bottom of the ShamWOW’s genealogical roots.
The Slap Chop isn’t much better. At least the ShamWOW could conceivably be a useful towel like product. Who actually needs to slap chop stuff? Noone, that’s who. Well, paid actors do, but they get paid to do it, so I question their motives. But what really irks me about this product is that this joker actually says things like, “We’re going to make America skinny again”, “You’re gonna love my nuts”, “$1 for toppings at the ice cream store”, and the final bit, when he opens it up to be cleaned. He counts, “one, two, and it pops open…” implying it’s just two steps and clean. But he’s moving his hands pretty fast, so it’s not really a two/three step process, but in actuality almost certainly something much more.
All in all, I think what I dislike most about this is his energy selling crap. I much prefer Ron Popeil’s laid back, “Set it and… ?” FORGET IT. Vince looks like he just did a line of coke and then was told, if you want more of that stuff, you’d better sell, sell, SELL! Oh yeah, and he’s a liar. I guess that’s part of it too. Really, that’s the bigger part of it, since I never caught Mr. Popeil in a clearly false statement; not that I’ve really paid attention either, but I didn’t really pay attention to ShamWOW and I noticed his lying ways. “We’re gonna do this in real time” my ass. F-you.
This is also why I dislike libel. Tea E Double Tea had better thank the Lord that I haven’t been able to monetize my blog, since then his libel would be attacking my livelihood. I could then project out how my blog business would have done if not for this action damaging my character, and it’d totally be a J curve / hockey stick, you can believe that. I would’ve been rich, if not for this accusation, which could land me in Guantanamo 2 and ruin my life.
Anyway, I find it humorous that the term jackpot and jack (as in jack shit) have completely opposite meanings. Shouldn’t jackpot really mean a pot full of nothing? I wonder where the term came from. Perhaps a reference to a leprechaun named Jack and his pot o’ gold at the bottom of the rainbow? That makes the most sense to me. Any theories? 3
Finally, for a Lent update, I didn’t work out today since the treadmill broke and I had to spend an hour of my precious free time fixing it. Since I was sweating like a dog when I was done, I consider this a semi work out, but it doesn’t contribute to the minimum required. Hopefully, tomorrow will work out better 4.
Catch you on the flip side.
1 I wonder, has someone ever got off the phone with me and said, “That guy was such a joker!”?
2 You actually think they’re going to close that place? Please.
3 Man, this blog is all over the place. Randomness wins today.
4 Get it? Work out….
A. You would probably need my blog to be my livelihood also, so that I could have money to pay/settle.
B. There’s no such thing as bad publicity, or so I’m told.
C. I said I was paraphrasing.
D. The Supreme Court case could also be called “Twain v. Tett” or “Twain v. Vance” to make people really have to jump through nickname hoops
I, however, need no paraphrasing: “This blog was attacked recently by an intellectual terrorist …” this is what I was referring to, and this is libel, sir. That is slanderous and libelous, and I will not stand for it, sir. The next time we see one another it will be across a courtroom, sir. Angry people use sir a lot, sir, or so I’m given to understand. Sir….. and it just lost meaning, nice.
[...] thought about dragging out this spirited debate, but I decided to give it up, because I don’t want to spend the next few days [...]
When I was reading this I realized that you use “joker” a lot in non work settings too. Usually it is in the context of “well this joker over here…” and it includes an outstretched hand and a head nod. I rather like when you call a person a joker, it always makes me smile. Glad to know you are consistent at work as well. Keep spreading the joy of joker jesturiing! (Yes, I know that’s cheating)